I am watching a full grown woman who cannot open a door. Her only ailment appears to be she is pregnant. But not 300 months pregnant, like yesterday pregnant.
She is trying and trying.
Eventually she turns to her companions and gives the internationally understood look of “why is shit always broken?”
There is the slow nods either of agreement or shame …. it’s difficult to gauge at this angle and the afternoon sun keeps shining into my face.
Just before they all set off to hike to the other side of the restaurant, to use the door that they hope will open. One of the party steps forward and gives the door a try. You know the maverick of the group. The outlaw. The risk taker. Or in this case the guy who can fucking open the door.
He didn’t throw his weight against it, or pull a Herculean maneuver he just opened the door like a normal person.
The door opened. First time.
It’s one of those fire escape doors – with the handle thingy (that’s it’s technical term). You kind of expect it to open first time ….. what with that fire exit blurb on it and all.
I use it when I leave in the afternoon. I like the way it swings open — just a minor push and it practically swings off it’s hinges, its very dramatic.
As I walk out, the wind whips my hair back (I imagine Nicholas Cage as he climbs out of his car in one of the early scenes from Face-Off and his coat whips in the wind — for a moment each day I am Nicholas Cage.
Except on the days when I turn my face slightly in the wrong direction and then I get a mouth full of hair. I am then doing this hair spitting thing — also very attractive. As my hands are full, I cannot use them to get the hair out of my mouth. So the only reasonable solution is to keep spitting until I either get to the car or the hair is out of my mouth).
FACE/OFF, Nicolas Cage, 1997, car
I look at this woman by the door situation and I think “who the fuck cannot open a door” — how did we survive as a specie??
The dodos didn’t make it. Several species of frogs are disappearing from our planet every day. Pandas are just saying fuck it and dying off — those have to be the laziest most demanding fucking animals on the planet. I think if they weren’t so freaking cute people would have offed them ages ago.
Somehow we humans who cannot open a door manage to survive almost every calamity the world throws at us.
A fire escape door. Designed for easy exiting, say like in a fire.
We really need to breed smarter people, or at least be willing to kill off (in a humane manner of course — I am not suggesting we resort to being savages) the less smart ones.
Can we do a march for this?? Where does one need to march to to get shit done?
Does shit get done if you march for it?
Let’s see how tomorrow’s march goes and based on that we can plan a route and a zippy slogan, and wear twin sets, day drink and make further plans from there.
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