Godzilla counts 1-Mississippi-2-Mississippi-3-Mississippi ….. and other coping mechanisms

Kennith has a significant other/plus one/special friend – I am not sure of the level of the relationship so not sure of the title.  She however is sufficiently part of his life, and thus my kids that I notice her on my children.

Yes, I know and you thought divorce was a fucking party from the beginning to the end.

I do not know Kennith’s partner – I really don’t.  I am not one of those people who go and stalk them.  Actually I am.  That is exactly who I am.

However in this case because I have decided to exercise some self restraint and I have opted out of this.

The less I know about her – the less material I will have to work with in my head (more on that later.)

My kids – for those who are new to this – is a 15 year old son, and then two daughters who are 10 year old and a 7 year old respectively.

My son could be living with Martha Stewart and he would still remain in his jammies until 12h00 and not give a flying shit whether his hair had not been washed since April.  He is not one of those kids who is overly concerned with his appearance.

The night before last I convinced him to take the dog for a walk.  In his jammies.  Initially he said “n0” and explained that these were his jammies.  I gasped in horror and said that he was looking rather snappy today, and there was no way I would have guessed his little ensemble was “ready for bed” attire.

Anyway he eventually took the dog for a walk.

I am sure one day soon he is going to spend hours on his hair and his get up, but that time is not quite now.  His idea of a great time is to go fishing for 12 hours straight.  The aroma of fish and red bait is hardly a deterrent to him.  He looks like a drowning survivor or a homeless person by the time I see him after a day with a rod, but he does not give a fig.

I can’t imagine anyone is going to influence how Connor steps out or presents himself.  Unless Kennith shacks up with a hardcore fisherman, then I think Connor will swoon and be forever in ecstasy.

The girls are girls, and have slightly stronger opinions on what they will wear, what they won’t and what they like.  They are not mad totally obsessed girls, but they get generally put together an outfit of one kind of another.  Georgia has a very odd idea here of what works, but sometimes we just let her go out as she chose to dress, and we praise her for her individuality.  And her bravery.

As time has moved on and Kennith has moved into a role of dressing the children, I have got used to what to expect in terms of what he chooses.

I know how he does their hair, and I can see when he has been in charge of “getting dressed, teeth brushed, hair done and out the door.”

Then there are the days I fetch the girls from school and I can immediately see that this is not all Kennith’s handiwork.  And I can recognise when there has been another person in this equation.

It’s such a stupid thing.

I arrive at school, and I immediately freeze.  I try to position my face into a sublime expression and smilingly move towards the girls for an embrace and hugs.  Sorry, I then proceed to sniff them — its really something I do.

So far I have not smelt Jessie on them, and for that I say a quiet thank you.

Jessie is Kennith’s partner and of course she is going to be involved with the girls.  Logically I can look at this and nod, and go of course.  Come on, its fine.

But the jealous those-are-my-fucking-children-monster unfortunately has more of this sort of a reaction …

godzilla01

My girls are young and they are loving friendly girls.

They are not highly suspicious of strangers, and a girl close to their age is going to appeal to them.  So to add to my “well isn’t that nice” I get to hear loads of information about Jessie.  And I can see (or I assume I can see) when she has had a hand in doing their hair or picking an outfit.

I am seriously only able to maintain my sweet and gentle demeanor because I know I am never more than 8 hours away from wine o’clock.

The other day I dropped by the house to collect/fetch someone/something and Isabelle wasn’t there, and I asked “where is Isabelle” only to be told she is out with Jessie.

Again the logical part of me goes, well isn’t that lovely.  Its so great Kennith has found a partner who likes the children and wants to spend time with them.  Right?  The logical side.

But then there is the other side that looks a lot like this …..

motherbear

Here is the irony in the Game of Divorce ….. it has been okay for Kennith to leave the kids with Jessie pretty much from when he knew her for 21 minutes.

There was no big issue. I definitely did not need to be consulted, and I was not really in a position to raise a flag and go “hey who the fuck is Jessie?”

However as I generally date people with penises, that sort of changes things.

If Kennith arrived and found out that the girls were out with someone who knew me, who owned a penis, there would be a shit storm of the size I could not even begin to fathom.

So this story really has no point really. It however does raise frustrations about having to deal with a “girl person” who is in a relationship with my children.  No matter potentially how nice that girl person is.

People with penises and people with vaginas are different in terms of how long you must know the person to leave your children with them.  That has been made quite clear to me.

Its a complicated formula, and I am not 100% sure of how it works, it just is, and that appears to be sufficient for it to exist as a law.

No matter how rational you appear, no matter how many times you count 1-Mississippi-2-Mississippi-3-Mississippi- you still cannot get used to some other woman being a part of your children’s lives.

And seeing the results on them.

Watching them physically being affectionate to that person is such an area of discomfort that I cannot even begin to describe it.  It does feel a lot like my heart is being fucking ripped out of your chest via my poop-hole and stomped on.

But I smile graciously and try not to shit in my pants.  Try.  Sometimes it leaks out a bit and that cannot be helped.

Yes, and you thought divorce was just about who got the big television!!

 

{One relief, and THE one AND ONLY relief only is that the girls used to give me a blow by fucking blow account of Jordan, Kennith’s previous girlfriend.

Everything I did was compared to Jordan.  I was reminded that Jordan also did this or that …. the word relentless comes to mind.

Sitting at the movies with my arm around Georgia, and her snuggling in to me, is sort of spoilt when she looks up to me and goes “this is just how Jordan hugs me…”

It’s freaking hard to sit there and smile and not rip the arm of your child off and fling it across the room screaming “Does Jordan do that??? Huh?? Does she???”

But that would be wrong.  I smile and go … great, super, happiness and again give thanks that it is never more than 8 hours away from wine o’clock.

The girls mention Jessie, but it is not as often and with the same intensity, and for this we can be grateful.}

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2 Comments

  1. Eileen

     /  July 11, 2016

    So nice to see other moms/divorcees go through the same thing, however I commend your self restraint and overall success at being an ‘adult’ about it. I envy you, as I embraced the batshitcrazy part of me during my era of divorce motions. I got an extra juicy tad added he day the ex married a teenager…..they forced my girls to call her MOM. Only by Grace from Above did said persons live to see another day. Point being, it sucks balls, but eventually you look back and see you made it through that trying stage.

    Reply
  2. Hi Celeste, wow. This post resonated so strongly with me. I totally get how you feel. I have been with a man for the past year or so who has two children from a previous marriage. His son does nt really care if I m there or not there, his daughter still seems uneasy around me. I would dearly love to bond with her, but she s going through her teenage angst stage and won’t really open up. I think I understand both sides, he s had several girlfriends since the divorce (and another wife!) so I think by now his ex wife no 1 ( their mom) just rolls her eyes but I would totally understand if she felt upset if I bonded with her daughter. This is rather a lot of rambling, I don’t really have a point to make. But just saying I do understand. Lots of hugs xx

    Reply

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