Larry at Pick ‘n Pay and my wishes around a venereal disease

stickies

Pick ‘n Pay sat around and thought to themselves, “what could make shopping with kids at our store more painful for parents?” and one bright spark put up his hand and said “yes, let’s make Stikeez!”

Initially the brain storming crew could not understand what the pull of making parents spend R150.00 at their stores to get a “toy” which probably cost less than 8 cents to manufacture would do to the children and the parents.

What is the appeal here —– I mean really.

People sat around and said it was a shit idea and would not work.

It was an 8 cents crap toy for goodness sake – you could pop over to McDonalds and get a semi decent toy for less than R5.00 with a kids meal, or if you were feeling thrifty and thought fuck the kids meal, you could just buy the toy.

The group fought a bit and eventually everyone just gave up and left it to Larry and his team to introduce these ridiculous “Stikeez” toys.  No one believed that the toys would work.

But most of the team thought Larry was a bit of a wanker anyway and really just wanted the meeting to end early, so they could go and get a few beers, without Larry and his zany ideas.

Larry spear headed the programme.

In short you purchase R150.00 at Pick ‘n Pay and the till operator throws one of the toys into your packet of purchases.  You spend R450.00 and you get three toys.

I have three children – try the fuck and come home with two.  I dare you!!!

Larry it appears is some sort of a genius – possibly an idiot savante – or just a regular idiot I need to beat with the long end of my desk lamp.

Larry has basically fucked up shopping for me – entirely.

I used to view grocery shopping as a 45 – 90 minute exercise of getting away from my kids.

I would cruise the aisles with my earpiece in, listening to what ever music I liked at a volume called “deafening” and enjoy the few moments I had to myself at Pick ‘n Pay. Merrily shopping for what ever was on my shopping list.

Not a care in the world, if you take away the little issue about whether I will be able to pay for all of this shit when I got to the end – that besides.

In some cases just idly going along so that I could avoid three children screaming at me.

It was the few moments of peace and respite I could enjoy in my day.

I would get home and actually no one gave a shit that I got home. With shopping. I had to beg and plead, and sometimes mildly threaten to get my kids to help unload the car.

Larry has forever fucked that up for me.  Royally,

I get home now.  Even from the local biltong store, and they are on me like lice.  Begging, pleading, searching and basically frisking me for Stikeez.

It was sort of cute for the first two or three days, now it is annoying.

Last night my youngest burst into tears as she unwrapped a Stikeez (which I had to buy R150.00 of crap to get) and it was not the little doggie she wanted.

Ungrateful little bitch.  She has 14 Stikeez.  Quick maths. 14 x R150.00 = fuck loads of money.

She seriously burst into tears.

I seriously lost the last shred of my shit on this particular subject.

I called her back and told her that if she ever EVER cried, moaned, lamented, beseeches me about Stikeez again, I was going to take them all and toss them out the window whilst driving on the N1 at 120km/h.

I do not threaten …. I do.

You only have to throw a cake out of a window ONCE on the N1 before the kids fully understand not to fuck with you when you are driving.

And a threat has a real outcome.

ONE chocolate cake out of your car window at full speed to teaches everyone a valuable lesson about screaming and whining about chocolate cake and and and ……… the result is a chocolate cake speeding past you travelling in the opposite direction to before it connects the tar of the national highway.

After that usually dead silence in the car.  It’s a powerful image.

She looked at me and burst into tears and said “I LOVE JORDAN…”

Side bar note:  Jordan is my ex-husband’s girlfriend who died tragically and suddenly the week before last.   It is still a very raw pain for everyone involved, and several people are still walking around dazed and confused trying to adjust to the situation. Everyone in our family has been shaken by it.  None of this is in anyway related to Stikeez

My daughter throwing a bitch fit over Stikeez and then tying this to a tragic and rather fresh death was a bit more than I could take for one evening.

I called/yanked her over and made it clear that as much as I understood she loved and missed Jordan, making her issues about “Stikeez” connected to Jordan’s death was somewhat unfair to Jordan, and further pushed my issues around “Stikeez.”

I think the only thing to be said here is —- well played Larry at Pick ‘n Pay and your team for introducing what can only be described as the most ridiculous and most coveted items for children.  Well played. {introduces slow clap}

I hope you get a case of chlamydia – you and your entire team.  And it is drug resistant.

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225 Comments

  1. Michy

     /  September 17, 2015

    Too funny! Love the gloves off approach and totally honest writing.🙂

    Reply
  2. james

     /  September 11, 2015

    I love it

    Reply
  3. tarren

     /  September 10, 2015

    I loved going through this blog…have two kids of my own, daughter 13 and son 11. My son is obsessed with stikeez to the point that he orders me to go shopping as he needs the full collection. He has banned me from ww, much to my husbands delight. How sad is this, on Tuesday I shopped at a pnp that had run out of stikeez, I made the manager sign the slip to say I could collect the stikeez at my local branch. When I collected my son from school I quickly stopped so he could collect. He had the nerve to come out and say he already had those could he have 5 rand to buy the one he needs. Hell no!! So he went back to call his friend who I was taking home. 20 minutes later I am still waiting so I went marching in only to find the two of them begging all the old people for their stikeez. Needless to say I think the shopping mall heard me tell them how sad they were and next time they can walk home. Ps. My husband is away a lot so I am often alone with kids running around, weekends are spent on their social lives. But I am only to happy to farm them out so that I can have some alone time. Tweens and teenagers……the toddler stage was a breeze!!

    Reply
  4. Nice article.

    Reply
  5. Chantelle

     /  September 1, 2015

    You said what we were all thinking……I applaud you! Thank you for the laugh I just had, it made my day!

    Reply
  6. Johan

     /  August 28, 2015

    Being paranoid about purportedly philanthtopic gestures from the retailers that I mistrust deeply, the Stikeez raised my heckles (Is that English for my hare laat rys?) Whatever, if you shop at PnP you understand and forgive Zafrican grammar. The boss of the house insisted that the Stikeez could be some kind of tracking device, as allegedly affirmed by a trusted conspiracy website. My daughter pointed out that we are already tracked with smartphones that switch themselves and their cameras and mikes and gps on at anytime, so there would be no point for more. I could not commit to that opinion, and though I had to agree with her for the sake of world peace, I still felt there was something troubling about these little plastic idols in their inflated bags. The purpose of the inflated bags is apparently so that the contents shoud not be ascertained through oscultation. They should do that with the avocados. We also worried about the gas used to inflate the bags. Is it perhaps smog from China? Well, everything comes from China these days, so it makes no difference. Yes, but what if it is some kind of gas like helium or Nox and so the argument went. Is it flammable, inert,…. and so on? Were really paranoid. When my 15 year daughter showed signs of collecting them, I knew I had found the true purpose: make money out of domestic discord. Had I found your blog earlier it would have saved me much time. Being a natural coward I will rather not disclose the fate of Stikeez that land in my possession. They do worry one as a choking hazard at the very least, don’t you think? Of course, like booze and twak and gambling and so on there are those who will enjoy in moderation and good on you.

    Reply
  7. Tanja

     /  August 27, 2015

    Have been ditching Pick n Pay for the last few years! They are so expensive on every single item! They will not force me to buy anything … not even for a Stikeez! Great writing! Love the honesty in this so very much pretentious world

    Reply
    • Ginny

       /  September 17, 2015

      Cake thrown out at high speed on the n1 or where ever…ROCKS. I have 3 kids and that image will either make them fall silent or laugh their heads off. Either way it’s going to stop the whining

      Reply
  8. I read the post when it all happened and like all your posts, thoroughly enjoyed it. Your honesty is so flippen refreshing.

    Now I read the comments and oh my word, some judgement much.

    I have met you and have “known” you for many years, even if we don’t see each other. I know where you are coming from and you are a REAL, HONEST person who I absolutely adore. Having three kids myself, I understand every.single.thing.

    Reply
  9. Mignonne van Heerden

     /  August 24, 2015

    O my word…. I have enjoyed this piece of masterful writing SO much! You have a rare talent to exactly portrait what a lot of parents are going through. Thank you SO much.

    Reply
  10. Dear reluctantmom, this is world-class satire. How did I only find out about you now? I anticipate many happy hours reading your archives. My only suggestion for improvement is, stop sucking up to the trolls.

    Reply
  11. Totally agree! Love your writing, totally following you! Thanks for.the laugh.

    Reply
  12. Saving that chocolate cake idea for later!

    I had a feeling those little rubber things were going to cause kak for a few parents. Yesterday I watched a mother carefully select enough items from her overloaded trolley until she had JUST enough for 4 stickeez. And my heart broke for her a little Hahaha. That is SO much money, SO many groceries. Very sneaky marketing. If I had kids yet I’d have quickly switched to shopping at Spar for the whole campaign!

    Reply
  13. MOM-OF-ONE

     /  August 22, 2015

    Awesome choice of words. I can relate to everything

    Reply
  14. Christo

     /  August 21, 2015

    Pity that a mom swears as much as you do…but good marketing by the PnP team.

    Reply
  15. Azurah75

     /  August 21, 2015

    At last – another fucking honest, real life mother on the planet. I love my kids – just as I am certain you do too but kids can be right selfish little shitheads and drive you to the brink of murder. This marketing crap certainly does make life a whole fucking lot harder. We had exactly this same Stickeez craze here at a cheap discounter in Germany – and at first it was fun but like you we had one…and ONLY ONE melt down. I did not throw the Stickeez out the car, (because in Germany some tight ass will certainly report you and you will have one hell of a fine for littering)… I pulled over and threw the kids out!! Made them walk home. Lucky we can do that here quite safely. Fuck it – I was not going to suffer for a piece of plastic shit!!! And now 6 months on the few that we had collected have landed in my fishing tackle…. it sure is a cheaper way to go fishing. And the kids response to my using them like this?? Well they don’t mind …after all to quote my little one…its just a piece of plastic shit!!!

    Reply
  16. Steff

     /  August 20, 2015

    Hi Celeste,

    I’ve just read your blog (and the comments) out aloud to my parents and grandmother, and if I can just say… We laughed so hard I swear my dad nearly wet his pants!!

    And reading some of the comments about how absolutely disgusted they were with your parenting style and dropping the F-bomb left right and centre had us in even more stitches.

    I am a 26 year old female who has no children (and doesn’t see any on the horizon) but I wholly and utterly approve of chucking things out windows when kids fight over it. To quote my dad he sometimes wanted to chuck US out the window too!! *LOL!!*

    My parents stopped cars and threatened to make us get out and walk home (and there was a time my step mother actually MADE my step brother and sister get out and she drove around the block). It doesn’t make my parents horrible people. It made my siblings and I appreciate how far we could push the parentals before we might find ourselves 6 feet under (or perhaps taped to the back of a closet with Ductape so that they could have peace and quiet)

    My mom always said that when children hit the age of 13 a demon possesses your child up to about 21 and makes them little monsters that some days you could totally understand why other species eat their young.

    As a best friend of a blogger as well I realise that a lot of what you wrote was over the top satirical humor, that it was written to have a poke at PnP and the amount of consumerism we are all exposed to.

    PS. My work colleague and I are absolutely obsessed with these stupid things and are trading them back and forth like the “Lion King” marbles one could get at certain petrol stations when the movie was released in cinema. As I previously stated I am a 26 year old with no children, and she is a 32 year old (who admittedly has three kids).

    TOTES following your blog, twitter and FB pages as your humor and liberal use of the word FUCK has made my day! ;P

    Reply
  17. Annie

     /  August 20, 2015

    Brilliant!!! I was laughing my head off!! I have a private school so I’m really familiar with parents with no sense of humour or painting every rainbow black! I don’t have kids of my own, but the woman that works for me has a little girl, Blessing. Now Blessing is in my school and they also live with me on the premises. Most of the times when I go to the shops over a weekend, Blessing will tag along. So she told me the other day that I must please go to Pick n Pay ’cause everyone in her Grade 1 class has got Stikeez and she really want’s one. But it was end of the month and Checkers was just sooooo much more convenient to stop there where the parking is right in front of the shop! So we start walking up and down the shop looking for Stikeez. Then when we stop in front of the toys section, there’s a mom looking at some of the toys. I politely asked if she can tell me WHAT Stikeez is, and WHERE can I buy one. Then she explained the whole PnP thing to me while Blessings’ little face is dropping to the floor. That ANGEL of a woman opened her handbag and take out FOUR Stikeez handing them to Blessing I should have taken a picture. Now when we get in the car, the first thing she ask is : GAAN ONS Pick n Pay TOE? So like you said…..WELLL PLAYED!!!!!!

    Reply
  18. Ella

     /  August 20, 2015

    I had a good laugh, excellent and I enjoyed visualising a chocolate cake flying! I have empathy, my kids are thankfully grown up now but I survived tears and tantrums caused by tamagothci’s, stickers, tazo’s, and many more gimmicks by companies to make bigger sales. Always a Larry lurking

    Reply
  19. Susannah van Straaten

     /  August 20, 2015

    I feel your pain. Bloody stickeez, bloody bloody kids. Bloody bloody Pick and Pay for not stocking the right vodka. Life as a mum completely sucks at times. Nice tip about the chocolate cake though…

    Reply
  20. Bwahahaha – I dont have time to read ALL the comments and replies, but the ones i did read, were almost as funny as the post!

    I have no children – and yesterday on our Family Group Chat I was nearly stoned to death when the topic of Stickeez come up & I mentioned that I told the cashier ‘No thank you’ each time she wanted to throw the little piece of plastic shit in my bag.

    Needless to say – childless old me, now collects all the the ‘Stickeez’ I can get and redistribute them carefully and sneakily to family members with kids.

    #thank you Larry, you asshole!

    Reply
  21. My kids are now grown & gone, but I can SO identify with EVERYTHING you wrote – and I LOVED it. If anyone has any negative comments to make about your article, they need to get a life & a sense of humour. I cannot believe that people take time out of a busy day to write the negative crap they write – puhleez, get a life. This is pure humour, & any normal mother can identify with all of it – if you are not a normal mother then don’t read it. Simple. I for one am going to recommend it to all my ‘mother’ friends! Thank you so much for starting my day off with a good laugh.🙂

    Reply
  22. jo

     /  August 20, 2015

    Excellent read, here is to an excellent well balanced mother of 3 – I salute you. From a mother of 3 who spent 300 bucks and got one freaking stikeeze!!!!! Arrrrgggg but lol at the same time, dam I’m a sucker for punishment!

    Reply
  23. Anon

     /  August 19, 2015

    Hi, frankly you seem like an awful person. I’m glad I figured out it wasn’t Shirley Smit who originally wrote this, because I’d hate to tell that to the wrong person. The fact that you seem to get joy out of the sense of power you feel from threatening to throw your children’s toys away strikes me as particularly troubling. The fact that you’ve actually engaged in this kind of behaviour in the past is more so. The fact that you feel that it is appropriate to refer to your daughter as an “ungrateful bitch” for reacting as a child does to disappointment is unforgivable. Kids remember this stuff, and carry it with them forever.

    I don’t know why I’m bothering to post this, since you’ll just rationalise all criticism away, and remain safe in the internet echochamber of your fanbase who will all reassure you “you’re a great mother, Celeste,” “your reactions are completely appropriate coming from a grown woman, Celeste,” “Of course your children won’t grow up to resent you, Celeste.”

    Enjoy it. I sincerely hope that your children grow up to be less generally shitty people than you.

    Reply
    • Holy Smokes

       /  August 27, 2015

      Oh fuck off! You probably have no children and are an “ungrateful bitch” yourself. Get a grip!

      Reply
  24. Adel

     /  August 19, 2015

    Okay, so after I left a comment, I read through the rest of the comments.

    Made me think of a couple of things…

    “It is not our fault if you cannot get pregnant.” being one…
    My mother had difficulty getting pregnant. She ended up having two children and decided not to have more. You know, back in her day, in order to get fertility treatments, you had to play with dolls while a psychiatrist watched you because they believed it was likely God didn’t allow you to have children because you would be a bad mother? A load of bull, of course, but it does make you think🙂 I wonder how the great “would-be” mother on this thread would react to being told she doesn’t deserve children. How about just playing nice and respecting other people?

    Some stupid b*tch told me once that I selfishly nearly killed my baby by having a spinal block. I was already 9 centimetres dilated when I said “no more” – and I seriously doubt the spinal block wrapped the chord around her neck🙂 Actually, I doubt the doctor would have literally torn me apart with metal quite so violently as he did (I’ll spare you the further details) if I had not been for the block, so I tend to credit it with saving both my and my child’s life. If you are ever interested:
    https://paddastoel.wordpress.com/2015/01/06/birth-and-hypocrisy-if-you-have-never-done-it-keep-your-mouth-shut-about-the-choices-of-others-things-you-know-nothing-about/
    https://paddastoel.wordpress.com/2015/01/07/when-natural-birth-goes-wrong/
    Interestingly, the stupid b*tch ended up having a C-section before she even went into active labour because she couldn’t handle the pain herself. The stupid b*tch didn’t / “couldn’t” breast feed (primarily because the stupid b*tch wouldn’t listen and added formula TO the milk she pumped when she decided the baby’s mouth was “just too small”). All that after the hours of lectures she gave me on how I wasn’t breast-feeding in the “right” position. Brilliant, isn’t it? Then she ended up feeding lactose-free cr*p, putting her baby at higher risk of hormonal imbalance and possibly a compromised immune system in the process) before her child was even eight weeks old, but that is a whole other story… (P.S. After she continuously made comments regarding MY food choices.)
    She also didn’t use the re-usable nappies she went on and on and on about even once. Those I was actually curious about.
    Now please, I don’t give a damn about other people’s birth choices. Or their child-rearing choices for that matter. The only reason I am pointing this out is to show the ludicrous hypocrisy. I would have had more respect for her if she stuck to a single ONE of her guns.

    That said, the profanity is a bit much.🙂 You could easily get away with half and still be “hilariously funny”😛

    To our resident chauvinist with his brilliant “male logic” who can get Stikeez for “much less than R150” – that means I have to actually have to browse through advertising material and prioritize my purchases based on STICKEEZ! Is it just me, or is that completely illogical / downright crazy? It still means buying a lot of sh*t I wouldn’t buy otherwise.
    My limited female logic tells me that, if you have a strict budget, you buy the stuff you ACTUALLY NEED, considering quality and quantity. But thanks for enlightening me, with my very limited understanding of the world. However I ever managed to get a degree, I have no idea. They clearly should have never ever accepted me into any school of finance / economics with such a clearly deficient understanding of cost vs benefit.

    Now, it hasn’t really been an issue for me yet, little one is still a little too little😛 But I’ve been wondering for a while (and this is a more serious pondering). If your children are at that age where they actually care what their little sheeple friends think… Sure, it is easy to think that you must raise them as “upstanding” people who will never ever cave to peer pressure. But as someone who never swore, who thought alcohol tasted disgusting and who didn’t “give a jot what others thought of me”, I can tell you it is a really, really lonely road. Social development is important too. I just wonder how one finds the right balance in that equation.

    Okay, ’nuff said.

    Reply
  25. My first thought was “chocking hazard” too… I have a daughter under three. And for some reason she though the stupid Stikeez (what’s the singular of that, by the by?) is really cute. So, instead of braving a temper tantrum (I’ll probably get called a bad parent too…), I decided to wait a little until something else catches her attention and then confiscate it quietly.

    Wow. Chocolate cake out the window on the highway? Awesome. I just really hope no one was behind you. That could have caused some serious injuries.

    All of the profanity aside, thanks for the laugh.

    By the way, if you have an issue with Shirley’s Smit’s Facebook post, report her for a DMCA (Digital Millennium Copyright Act) violation. FB is an American company, so they are obliged to remove any plagiarised posts upon being informed.
    If it were me, I would just contact her and insist on a proper credit. My husband showed me “her” post. So I wouldn’t have read this article otherwise.

    Take care.

    Reply
    • Thanks, I have contacted her directly and asked her to take it down.

      She copied and posted my entire material to her facebook page — and kind of forgot to credit me correctly. So now it is being passed around as her work. Oh the joy – I have asked her very politely to take it down as she has in fact “stolen” my work off a copyright protected page.

      Let’s hope the reacts quickly.

      Reply
  26. Staci Knight

     /  August 19, 2015

    Wow!! You get away from your 3 screaming kids at home… Aren’t you lucky, some of us wish we could have just ONE screaming kid at home, some of us wish we could have just ONE child to beg and plead and search the shopping bags. You probably popped your children out one after the other while there are those of us who have spent the last 5 years (so far) struggling for even a hint of hope of just ONE child.

    Did it occur to you that perhaps your daughter is upset over the passing of your ex-husband’s wife because she was perhaps a better mother and person than you are? That perhaps your daughter would have preferred and been much happier to call her mom? Because as far as mom’s go, all I see is someone who isn’t much of one. You have no right to call yourself a mother, reluctant or otherwise, you have no clue what it is to be a mother. All woman like you do is wipe your a%@ off on the privilege some of would give up everything to have.

    If you were so reluctant to be a mother then why did you become one? The only ungrateful bitch here is you.

    Reply
    • Staci — I am going to run at your carefully, because I appreciate infertility and the struggles, and the pain (I do not profess to understand it, and get it, because I have not walked in your shoes) —- but let’s park that.

      It does not give you the right to be a douche bag.

      You might think it does, but Staci, Staci, Staci – it doesn’t.

      I am trying to be gentle here because you actually probably have no idea about how hard I pursued egg donation and surrogacy (me donating, me being a surrogate) …. but that is neither here nor there. Again just adding to this picture of me as a shitty mother and a degenerate that you have constructed.

      Because I have three kids – you can possibly appreciate that my life is very different from yours. I get to say things about my kids and feel things because they are my kids and this is my experience. Motherhood is not all unicorns and glitter farts. Some days it is hard, some days it is cruel — and some days it is wonderful.

      I do love your comment “you have no clue what it is to be a mother” …….. from YOU TO ME — That leaves so much, so much gap to attack you, but you are making this too easy for me. And in general I try not to kick someone when they are down, it’s not my style.

      {can I clarify again, I did not force you to read this blog, you chose to, you then summed me up after this post, and decided to be an awful callous bitch ….. so stand up like a big girl and accept this reply from where it comes}

      The fact that you are taking a run at this and comparing me to my ex-husband’s dead wife, is kind of the part where you have crossed over the line of good manners and sort of taken it that step too far.

      Number one – it was his girlfriend and not his wife. Prizes to you for detail. I am guessing here you read one post and used that to make an entire judgement of me and my entire family.

      Bravo to you Staci —- bravo!! I really do hope people are kinder to you.

      I did not know Jordan so it is not my place to comment on her. The fact that you do not know me or Jordan and think you are going to play the infertility card to come out as a total bitch is reprehensible.

      Are you seriously off the freaking reserve here? But hey this is the hand you played and I am going to work with the cards you dealt me.

      Jordan was lovely, my children loved her —- this did not threaten me, because I am secure in my role and who I am in my children’s lives. My children are upset because someone they loved DIED. Not because they are shopping for a new mom and that one did not work out.

      Staci —- I thought Hank was a wanker, but you my love have actually made Hank look like he was a martyr here.

      You stupid unfeeling bitch — to make a leap that she was a better mother to them than me, is a bit more than you should have gone with. Again I am not going to be “aw poor Staci she is a struggling infertile” —- fuck you, fuck you AND FUCK YOU —- you do not know me, you do not know my children and in your own words YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE A MOTHER!!

      How is that feeling right now Staci???

      Jordan is dead – my children loved her, they are upset. Because they loved her does not threaten my place as their mother. Do you have any sense or do you also walk around and smack people who have ugly babies??

      My daughter just told me I am the best Mommie in the world. My son just told me that the Kardashians better just get out of my way, because I am walking here. MY KIDS —- but you know I am so busy being an irresponsible mother it is difficult to hear them over the sound of me boiling CRACK {do you boil crack? I have no idea how you make it …. but you sort of get the point}

      I love and adore my children – if you are unclear on anything, please read my response to Hank. As I do not want to repeat any of that again to you.

      Staci – you assuming I do not appreciate my children shows how remarkably short sighted and how little knowledge you have. Your people skills by the way may need some tweaking.

      Today I spent the morning hunting a rather shady area of town for material for my son’s school project, had work meetings, then shot out to fetch my daughter and take her to her eisteddfod where I spent the time listening to poems told by 10 year olds, and cheered when my daughter overcame her nervousness and did a stellar job.

      After picking up all three kids, I had to go and purchase items for my daughter’s oral tomorrow (unfortunately in the madness that was the last two days I forgot about it) – I then sat with her this evening assisted her writing her oral, and prepared her for it tomorrow.

      My youngest “acts” like she is sick, she has done this for a long time, so I go through the pantomime of taking her temperature, tucking her in and giving her a Vitamin C medicine, because she can’t read and thinks it makes her better – she is miraculously better 15 minutes later. This repeats several times a week.

      {Don’t shit yourself Staci — I am actually able to differentiate between fact and fiction which is an area it appears you are lacking in}

      Do tell me some more about how to be a mother – again you brought this up {sits forward with notepad and pencil waiting for pearls of insight from Staci on Motherhood that she has just indicated she is the resident expert on ………..}

      I am now sitting responding to you to try and be kind and gently attempt to adjust your perception. Actually I do not care much for someone who makes such random snap judgement as you, with almost little knowledge of a situation.

      This blog is satire and uses humour primarily. I thought I would explain it as it has shot totally over your head.

      If you actually think I called my daughter a “little bitch” then you might be interested in the story about the man that builds a boy who becomes real …… its written down so it must be real right?

      Again telling me you are an infertile and then telling me I am a shit mother is about as insensitive as me telling you that “well maybe God does not want you to have children” —- do you see how callous that response would be? It is totally unacceptable —

      It would be the worst possibly thing I could say to anyone, and I wouldn’t – because that would put me on your level.

      And Staci, you have created a level I did not know existed in troll respondents. Gold star for you.

      Children are a blessing, and they are a joy —- but to be realistic, not 24/7 — sometimes the happiest moment is when they go to sleep at night and then you can sit on the couch and drink wine uninterrupted.

      Speak to any mom who is honest and she will tell you she loves her children to abandon, but sometimes, and this is just sometimes, you don’t really want to be around them. You need a break. You want to hide in the shower, you want them not to find you in the car in the garage. It’s real life Staci. Not this imaginary world you have created where life would be perfect if you had a child and you would be the perfect mother and and and ……….

      {Again if you hum in with your “if only I had one” shit, I am seriously going to lose my sense of humour over here}

      Staci —— where do you get off judging me??? Do not for a moment think you can play the “struggling infertile” card and think that gives you free licence to be a total bitch — because my little one it doesn’t.

      You want to come over here and say things like this —- then prepare to take a few punches in return.

      Go away Staci — please before I say something to you that both of us are going to regret.

      Today you are being a stupid cow with a total “good sense” failure moment.

      {a reader just read your comment and sent me a private message saying “Jeez this Staci is a poes” —- listen I can’t actually argue with her assessment …. good bye Staci and good luck with where ever life takes you —- hopefully in the totally opposite direction to me}

      Reply
      • Mary Hollander

         /  August 20, 2015

        Well said – as you mentioned this is satire, and if anyone does not understand the word – Google it. I am a mother and a grandmother and agree to everything you have said. Well done – glitter farts and all!!! Brilliant article.

        Reply
      • This is probably the best response to a fuckwit I’ve ever read and yes, after reading Staci’s shitty response, I really can’t argue with the sender of that private message.

        Reply
      • Vivian

         /  August 20, 2015

        ReluctantMom, in general your blog was funny and on the spot (me also being a parent of two young children), but you crossed a line that a parent should not by calling your daughter an “ungrateful little bitch”…. seriously? That can never be funny/witty (however you would like to explain that) and totally changed the blog from something I could relate to, to -did I just read that?

        Reply
        • It might be a good idea to read through that post again.

          And realise that I did not ACTUALLY CALL her an ungrateful little bitch. Just pop along and read it again — it’s pretty obvious if you read the piece without the preconceived notion that is running rampant on this comment thread.

          It’s a bit like when everyone says that Humpty Dumpty is an egg —- it is never said, it might be implied but it is never said. But hundreds if not thousands of lemmings believe he is an egg.

          I might have thought to myself that she was acting a bit like an ungrateful little bitch —- but the legend of me calling her one seems to have jumped right past most people in the telling of the story and the details in reading it.

          Okay, enough on that.

          Reply
          • So to answer your question “did I just read that?” —- the answer is no …… you however interpreted that part for yourself

            Reply
      • Jodi

         /  August 23, 2015

        Hilarious.

        Reply
  27. Trish

     /  August 19, 2015

    Brilliant article😂 Did PnP reply?

    Reply
  28. Natasha Xavier

     /  August 19, 2015

    Wow this is the worst post I have ever read!

    The fact that you Shirley Smit are complaining about a little toy that Pick n’ Pay gives people, not to force them into buying R150 worth of shopping, but rather as a “thank you, here’s something cute for you or your kids” is really pathetic.

    If you were a good mother who cared about teaching her kids about values in life, you wouldn’t have created this problem that you are now in!

    You could have simply used these toys to your benefit and instead of just giving the toys to your kids, you should have kept them and rather used them as a reward when they are good.

    The fact that you blame Pick n’ Pay for the way your kids behave, clearly says alot about the type of person you are. Oh and lets not forget the amount of bad language you used in your complaint, definitely portrays what type of mother you are, and what kind of house hold your poor children are growing up in!

    Its no wonder your daughter cried when she didn’t get the toy she wanted. I wonder how she’d react knowing her own mother publicly, on the biggest social media network called her own daughter an “ungrateful little bitch”!

    You publicly wishing bad apon other people, wishing they get diseases, because you dont know how to raise your children wisely. Well I pray for the sake of your children, that they dont grow up treating people the way you do. I pray that you are not their role model, they surely deserve better!

    To Pick n’ Pay, I personally would like to thank you for stikeez, they make my shopping experience a little more exciting knowing that at the end of my shopping experience I will get a little cute surprise that my daughter will soon be able to enjoy. I am currently pregnant and due at the end of September, I have been collecting them to one day give to my daughter, which I know she will enjoy playing with and be greatful for, because that is how I will raise her!

    Reply
    • Hi Natasha

      Thank you so much for stopping in and spreading your wisdom.

      Okay, I am hoping in the real world you are a lot more perceptive than in the social media world. This blog is NOT FUCKING WRITTEN BY SHIRLEY SMIT.

      She has illegally stolen this post, and is in the process of exhibiting it as her own. On her Facebook page.

      I however am quite happy for you to aim any anger at me about you being offended.

      Natasha I am going to also make an assumption that this is your first baby. If so congratulations. If not — how the fuck have your remained this naive and innocent after having more than one child. Chick, because you need to write a book – because the rest of us in parentland really need your fucking wisdom, because we are struggling over here —- like really struggling. You appear to have this waxed.

      Before you totally climb off your sanctimonious fucking high horse, give me a call when you have bleeding nipples, you pee in your pants every time you cough, and you would sell your fucking soul for two hours of sleep. I totally get you are high on hormones and really think you are the only person in the FUCKING WORLD WHO HAS EVER HAD A BABY – and think everyone is looking at your growing belly with adoration.

      I do hope you can keep that fantasy alive. I find Xanax, Serequel and Ivedal helped me through my delusional episodes, but possibly you have some other type of SUPER FUCKING MOMMY shit going on there in your pants that you need to share with us mothers who FUCK UP ALMOST EVER DAY AND ADMIT IT.

      The reason I started this blog is because after three children — all I read in the media was how fucking happy mommies were and how sunny and lovely babies are. Happy, clean, not smelling like shit and crying —- possibly you have a Mary and Joseph thing going on and your baby is going to rock all our worlds by being perfect.

      As said, when you do realise — -and it might be at 2am when you are crying alone in the bathroom, as your husband sleeps unbothered, and you have not had more than 3 hours sleep in the last 72 hours, and you are rocking your baby to sleep for what feels like the 9th hour, please give me a call, tell me how wonderful things are.

      Listen if you seriously going to collect these plastic pieces of shit to give to your AS YET UNBORN DAUGHTER then you are more delusional and misguided than I thought.

      You do understand that the size of these “toys” is not really suited to kids under 3 – they are a choking hazard. A FUCKING CHOKING HAZARD YOU WANT TO GIVE TO YOUR CHILD WHEN SHE IS OLDER. Listen and I am actually laughing now, if in 3 – 4 years, you manage to keep these pieces of shit and give them to your daughter, send me a selfie.

      I will send over a fairy on a unicorn to fart rainbows in your nursery. Or three jugglers, which ever I can find on short notice.

      I love you because you are so innocent —- like a little arsehole that has never taken a shit and does not understand how bad it is being an arsehole.

      Natasha –
      1 – get your facts straight.
      2 – get your head out your arse, speak to some real moms with real babies and get a grip that this is not going to be the fucking stroll you think it is.
      3 – put some money aside now for therapy, as either you are going to need some or couple counselling.
      4 – you are not the first to have a baby, you will not be the last, I know it is hard to believe but you are fucking not special at all.

      Now please, fuck off and go and find another blogger to bother. Someone who can cater to your high end demands, your ability to actually believe you are a princess with the first fucking baby IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE and you are so damn special.

      Having a baby is not a fucking super human skill — take a look around the planet, idiots and imbeciles can do it too.

      The trick my little innocent is to survive the first few years. For you I think you will get a really big surprise around week 8 or 10. I am laughing so hard right now.

      Good luck with that. (I actually want you to fuck off again, but I know you are easily offended)

      PS: Try not to send emails from your personal work address you idiot.

      Reply
  29. For every R150 you spend at PnP, a dolphin dies.

    What is the expected eventual outcome for this garbage, except to end up in landfills and oceans. Even if the manufacturing and distribution has a negligible ecological impact, what is the point?

    The best end for this trash is being emphatically tossed into the nearest recycling receptacle to be turned into something useful.

    Pro tip: Just say no when a sticky is forced into your shopping bag.

    Reply
  30. vytjie

     /  August 19, 2015

    It’s very simple…I am 52…thus from the generation that got the toy in the Rice Crispies box…so laugh all you want….but give me my stikee thingy…it’s mine…it celebrates the little girl inside of me…so YAY to the “bright spark” who came up with the idea!

    Reply
  31. Supermama

     /  August 19, 2015

    Oh gosh I am so late as usual. Great post. Sorry you got so much flack for being honest about your experiences. Stickeez are a bone of contention around our house as well. #youknowiloveyourblog

    Reply
  32. This made me laugh so much I may have abs later. My wine glass will now proudly have one of these and my first glass will be dedicated to your sanity in dealing with Larry’s shit.

    Reply
  33. Katie

     /  August 19, 2015

    So often I feel tempted to reply to blog posts and the like but my inherent laziness stops me from making the effort to type out my thoughts…but this time I just had to. Having clicked on the link to your blog, reading about your ‘stikeez’ dilemma and having a seriously good chuckle, it hit me that these little things are causing a fair bit of drama in many homes.
    Being a mother of post-school age children (FYI – empathise with you as I have 3 with a 2 year age gap) and now shopping only for ‘moi’, I have quite enjoyed taking my little gifts and positioning them on top of my computer screen at work – it’s quite nice not having to share the spoils of my retailing….so here’s my dilemma…colleagues have young children and they are noticing my growing collection of stikeez figures, passing my desk, admiring them with little comments about their children who are collecting them and are desperate for one that I may have or are amazed at how many I have…bla..bla….The result – now my personal little bit of collecting joy has morphed into guilt as part of me thinks that I should offer them up to those with children….thank goodness the growing selfish side is fighting back at – this time. Just had to share…thanks for the laugh and may your household be blessed with an influx of little plastic figurines!

    Reply
  34. Ian wallace

     /  August 19, 2015

    I read your first haters comment and I was shocked that this person had actually found someone who wanted to marry them and live with them for the rest of their lives…

    The thought of living with someone so lacking in humor shocked me.

    Then others landed in your blog and I am like OMG there is an entire village of them!!

    I hope they all live in the same place it would be scary to think they live amongst us…

    Funny as (dare I say it?) FUCK…..

    Reply
  35. Belinda

     /  August 19, 2015

    Use them as wine glass identify – my Mom wont give my kids her as that is what all the Grannys are now using! Genius

    Reply
  36. Tamaryn

     /  August 18, 2015

    Could not agree more these stikeez caused an uproar in my household today. I have friends who are missionaries and their base is in Swaziland they have just got back from Canada and so where in Jhb for a few days I got to spend the morning with the kids while Mom and Dad did shopping they are bouncing everywhere they are five and seven, they start telling me about their friends they have visited in SA so far keep in mind these are kids, and the rage sweeping SA are those 8 cent toys. Now my dad who is 50 something and my 24 year old sister have been collecting these damn things so I kindly ask for just two from these grown ups to give to two kids and the storm that has raged since has not ended. Needless to say I was unable to give these two little ones a 8 cent toy as two adults refused to part with them ugh.

    Reply
  37. Stoffel

     /  August 18, 2015

    I don’t have kids, but loved your story. Laughed so much. And screw piack n pay for finding it offensive and telling you to remove. ……

    Reply
  38. Blogmystuff

     /  August 18, 2015

    Wow – that’s so angry hahahahaha poor pick n pay better watch out for your um..writing..skills??

    Reply
  39. May

     /  August 18, 2015

    Had such a fantastic laugh!!!!
    My naughties have been dying to shop at PnP for that stuff, but I’ve avoided it successfully up to now!
    And PS, I’ve thrown McD toys out the window while driving 😀
    Best ever to make them understand that bitching and moaning and fighting in the back while I drive is not tolerated!

    Reply
  40. Shaleen

     /  August 18, 2015

    Ha, ha , I got Larry as well. I bought a pot set for R1000,00 , got 7 stickeez . And returned the pots the next day. I learnt from Larry.

    Reply
  41. paula

     /  August 18, 2015

    bwahahahahahahaha!!! This was right on the money!!!!! Second pet hate to the actual stikeez phase are the moms that have actually started a stikeez swap page on social media… i just can’t phathom it! AND i pray my kids never find out about it!! hahaha thx for the (REALISTIC) humour!!

    Reply
  42. Liz

     /  August 18, 2015

    I saw through Larry’s bullshit. I shop alone too for the exact same reason. I take my own bags so there is no evidence that i was at Pick and Pay. And then i blatantly lie about where i went shopping. The Stikeez that does come with the purchase gets pawned off on the first child out of the shop i see. Not my problem anymore.

    Reply
  43. Estelle Hoffman

     /  August 18, 2015

    Do what I do – hand them out to random little children at traffic lights on the way home🙂

    Reply
  44. Hehe great post!

    Most of the population actually seem ok that we’re only concerned with training kids to be workers and consumers. What’s wrong with that right? We’ve all been trained the same way and look how wonderfully we’ve all turned out. What could possibly go wrong?

    We start them early. This kind of training creates the kind of myopic responses you see to Pick n Pays latest MARKETING CAMPAIGN. So many with what appears to be zero ability to read between the lines or concern for anything or anybody other than the so called well being of their little ones. This obviously makes them feel like they’re good people.

    Consumers… We wear that like some badge of pride. You think pick n pay is doing this because they’re like family and they care!? No of course not you know advertising doesn’t affect you like that… they’re a business and businesses have a bottom line before anything else. Profit. And besides family dont put their prices up during a recession to make sure their profit margin stays obscene for their shareholders while knowing we’re buying less for more. Stikeez will make it allllll better though. You’ll tow the line as long as there’s a reward. All those happy family moments that something as simple as a piece of plastic can achieve. That’s part of what you’re teaching your kids. All this and you still tell yourselves we’re in control of our reality.

    Most of the people supporting the idea sound like they have money to blow and seem to like McDonald’s… So while their kids are at school bragging about all their stickeez that their affluent robot parents have bought because of their own worker consumer training, what about the family who can’t really afford them but don’t want their kids to feel left out? Oh that’s right. Those parents are just weak and their kids must just suck it up. They should know their position and live within their means. It’s not our fault that they’re in that predicament. Really?! Oh well they obviously don’t work hard enough. Their kids will just have to wait longer. Woohoo. We win.

    Such a small idea that has so many ramifications. None that most would seem to notice or care about. Why don’t you try and educate yourselves a bit and watch something like this BBC documentary. It might put some things in perspective for you. Its worth it.

    http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/the-century-of-the-self/

    I’m just sorry I don’t have any plastic gimmicks to encourage people. Maybe I can get some poor people to collect them out of the landfill and repurpose them when you and your kids are done with your latest craze. I’ll call them stuckeez just like our society.

    Before anyone says I’m being a killjoy. I’m really not. We just seem to find joy in things that have so many far reaching consequences and besides I know bullshit when I see it.

    Lol sorry for the long comment. When I get going I get going😉

    Reply
  45. I am so glad that I am the granny and it is my daughter who is stuck with all the drama. We spent the weekend trying to stop my 2 year old grandson from chewing the Stickees like fruit gums. loved your post very much.

    Reply
  46. Thank you for making my day.

    Reply
  47. cam

     /  August 17, 2015

    Love this post!! Lmao! Well written!

    Reply
  48. margaret

     /  August 17, 2015

    absolutely brillant

    Reply
  49. Hank

     /  August 17, 2015

    You say sometimes you are embarrassed about your posts, well, I hope you are embarrassed about this one because although your post is about “Stikeez” from Pick ‘n Pay, I think poor Larry got the short end of the stick here and you did a brilliant job at illustrating that your parenting abilities are seriously lacking, not to mention your cognitive abilities as an adult… and as for all the wonderful people who agreed with your post, wow, maybe we have bigger problems in South Africa than our government.

    Firstly, I am not a reader of your blog, due to this being blown out of proportion, my wife came across your blog from a link on social media and showed it to me, secondly, I do not work for Pick ‘n Pay and I have no interest in their business, just want to make that very clear before you and or any of your readers think I am standing up for the poor man Larry here.

    I think your blog post name is aptly named, because it seems you are reluctant to be a mom and actually teach your children right, wrong and especially boundaries, and when some of your readers gave you ideas on how to use “Stikeez” to better your life and your children, you have run them down so you seem to be reluctant in becoming a half decent mom period.

    Those who have shown support for your point of view in this post, well, many if not most of them are empowering you to be a little bitch yourself, feeding your poor choices and parenting abilities by agreeing with you and lending credibility to your inability to teach your children boundaries and blaming a company for giving you something for free, and ironically you call your daughter an ungrateful little bitch?

    Do you know what I call someone who tosses chocolate cake out of a window of a moving car at 120km/h? An irresponsible fucking idiot who has no self control, your example might have shut your kids up, but imagine it hit someone and caused a collision or a death… somehow I think you would probably try and blame that poor decision on poor Larry or some other random person for making cake that kids love or something.

    Someone once said, there are no juvenile delinquent children, there are only juvenile delinquent parents… and you are a prime example of such a parent.

    Reply
    • ha ha ha – just love it when someone starts their comment with ” …. I am not a reader of your blog ….” BUT …. twat, take you head out your arse or better still, beg your wife to blow you – it will make you relax more and see what this blog is about – entertainment.

      Loved loved loved this blog, loved reading the comments and applaud you for your wonderfully descriptive writing. I totally wish I had thrown chocolate cake out the window when my kids were younger – my little “she-bitches-from-hell” would be more appreciative of the slices of chocolate cake they get today. I have no doubt you are an excellent parent and have just as excellent children who are no more worse off without the chocolate cake.

      Reply
      • Henry Barnes

         /  August 18, 2015

        Awesome goor entertaining piece to read, made my day – and Bronwyn i agree with you

        Reply
        • Irene Johnson

           /  August 21, 2015

          Its called humor. and is intended for adults.Good lord people have you ever been a frustrated parent.Have a good giggle and get off your soap-boxes. This is hilarious and much appreciated for making me laugh!

          Reply
      • Wow, Hank….you need to get laid…Im not sure what childhood trauma you just relived through this article, but talk to someone about it..soon! This is ENTERTAINMENT, its fun, lighthearted – heard those words before? I agree with Bronwyn, calm the f*ck down..

        Reply
    • And the twat of the day award goes to Hank for having absolutely no sense of humour (and probably no life either). I really pity your family for having to live with someone so devoid of character and so seriously in need of some fun. Your wife most likely showed you this blog in the hope that you would lighten the f*ck up.

      Reply
    • Ilze

       /  August 18, 2015

      Clearly someone had a VERY blue Monday! Dearest Hank, perhaps you should visit Pick & Pay to procure a sense of humour, seeing as though YOU – to quote your own words – “are seriously lacking” in that department, and as a result… this wonderful, satyric post went completely over your petty, antagonistic, “trolling” head!

      Reply
    • Kate

       /  August 19, 2015

      Oh Hank deary, you take life too seriously, this article doesn’t show a woman who thinks her kid is a bitch, nor that she is one, it shows that we are human and do the funniest wackiest things as parents, your wife just doesn’t tell you her inner most thoughts of feeding you sugar until you pass out just to stop you annoying her, amongst the rest. Get a dose of reality honey, and leave us be, us ranting lunatic mothers with humor.

      Reply
    • Ooh you need to get over yourself or just get a sense of humour or something.

      Reply
    • mapstieks

       /  August 20, 2015

      Hank, dalk hoor jy dit elke dag, dalk nie maar jy, jy is ‘n poes.

      Reply
  50. Dee

     /  August 17, 2015

    SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for making my day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  51. Deb

     /  August 17, 2015

    I went round to my Mum’s place a week ago, and she said “here, you’ll like this? I got it free at PnP”….I’m 37yrs old (single and no children) *shocked face*…

    Reply
  52. Your are awesome and have totally made my day! Love your comments on this topic and the cake story🙂 I have made your blog one of my favorite pages to visit!

    Reply
  53. James

     /  August 17, 2015

    Pure gold – all round. Well played.

    Reply
  54. well said! Pick and Pay on their website, say they say”At Pick n Pay, our environmental attitude is simple: to actively promote sustainable practices in every aspect of our business.” how can cheap, throwaway plastic toys be part of the word “environmental” or “sustainable” – in a world phasing out plastic, they come up with this! Please everyone go to their facebook page, twitter etc and let them know the way you feel – sitting on your hands complaining will not make any changes! http://www.picknpay.co.za/what-Pick-n-Pay-is-doing

    Reply
    • Oh lighten up. This is a fun blog and I can promise you that the author is not on a personal crusade to burn down Pick ‘n Pay, she is merely expressing some thoughts in an extremely amusing fashion.

      Reply
  55. As entertaining as your article was, and not to burst your bubble or anything, but these have been around for a while(earliest mention I could find was from 2013) in Europe, mostly from Lidl. And you can purchase the collections and individual items on most ebay sites (if you can find a seller insane enough to ship it to dead-end Africa, and then somehow strong-arm it out of the post office, if it had not already gone missing). Lidl also sells each item separately as well as collection items. So, it was not even the over hyped Larry that came up with idea, he is just regurgitating a deployment from elsewhere. https://stikeez.lidl.com

    Reply
  56. claire

     /  August 16, 2015

    i loved reading this!!!! had me giggling to myself.. not a mom, or a pick n pay shopper, but could totally see the whole scene…. well done… ha ha ha…

    Reply
  57. Denzil

     /  August 16, 2015

    The only problem I have with this article is that Chlamydia is generally asymptomatic in men. Other than that I totally agree and think that marketing psychologists are the scum of the earth! Getting people to buy stuff they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t like…by spending literally billions on finding ways to poke and play with kids’ minds to increase the ‘nag factor’.

    Reply
  58. David Malcomess

     /  August 15, 2015

    Thanks, entertaining article. I came here via a FB community post, from some lady who suffered serious online abuse, for asking any kind soul who had picked up her now-distraught childs Stickee outside PnP to contact her and return it. Serious business! After reading all the comments on your post I’m amazed at what sheeple we all are -every 2nd comment is suddenly sprinkled with the F-word and people are quoting verbatim that Stickeez only cost 8c. Larry can’t touch your genius. Or are you Larry?

    Reply
  59. alet2020

     /  August 15, 2015

    I was totally expecting a comment from Larry! Brilliant! Thankfully I steer clear from PnP so i haven’t been affected!

    Reply
  60. Jonathan Harding

     /  August 15, 2015

    Brilliant brilliant brilliant. This is real-life-in-app-purchases now brought to everyday milk and bread routine and needs to stop. Or at least give the options to buy these POS stickeez at R2 each and get it over with.

    Reply
  61. Fiona

     /  August 15, 2015

    Bloody funny Celeste. Thanks for cheering up my day!

    Reply
  62. This woman. I wonder how much crap is lying along the N1 because of you. And why did your kids love your ex-husbands new girlfriend? Maybe she didn’t throw chocolate cake out of a car window. For the love of God why cake? God rest her soul but I’d probably prefer Jordan too…

    Reply
    • Dan, its cake! I look forward to hearing your parenting tips moving forward. Or lets go with the other option, where you quietly piss off and we can both forget this little encounter ever happened. I know I am keen to forget you totally. All the best moving forward, I really do wish you all the best.

      Reply
      • Jesse Brooks

         /  August 15, 2015

        You are amazing. This dickhead is a dickhead.
        You are awesome.
        Love the writing.

        Reply
      • Emma

         /  August 15, 2015

        Littering=good parenting..? {introduces slow clap}

        Reply
        • Emma, if that is what you got out of this piece, could I make a suggestion that you never visit this blog again. I am sure there are dozens of other blog writers who would find your ability to focus on a random issue in no way related to the post intriguing and rather exciting.

          In the interest of thorough investigative journalism{on your part} place a cake on any piece of tar. Leave it there. Sit a few meters away in a comfy fold out chair. Please do let me know if it will take 15 or 60 minutes for that cake to be consumed by birds and other forest animals.

          I appreciate your concern about the environment and applaud you bringing it to my attention. I noticed you seemed to overlook thst each stikeez is individually packed into a foil bag, which is not going to be eaten by the forest animals.

          But end up in landfills as these bags cannot be recycled, and will not breakdown naturally for a few hundred years.

          Again, kudos to you for making an issue about a cake.

          Reply
          • exactly, the foil bags double the environmental impact of the rubbish. What message do we give our kids when we tell them it is fine to buy into the throw a way society! Brilliant article by the way🙂

            Reply
          • Yvonne Hellyar

             /  August 17, 2015

            Good comeback… People can be such arseholes sometimes. I wonder whether they even read through the entire original post.

            Reply
          • Anon371927

             /  August 19, 2015

            Celeste, be fair. You made an issue of the cake first. In your blog post. While talking with pride about how you can now terrify your children into silence with a single threat.
            Kudos.

            Reply
          • So. Much. Mirth. Not sure what I’ve enjoyed more…your post or your retorts! You sure know how to shut these junior trolls and mother grundies down!

            Reply
    • @Dan – this from a grown man who spends his free time playing paintball. Perhaps a I can recommend a little less time playing children’s games a little more time expanding your horizons, with a little effort I’m sure that you will discover this wonderful thing called humour. There’s a whole new world out there waiting for you Dan.

      Reply
  63. Excellent post…I laughed so hard that my tummy is hurting. So glad that my children are all grown up and past this stage.

    Reply
  64. As a father of three, I feel your pain.
    The Streisand effect of this has been glorious.

    Reply
  65. Vicki

     /  August 15, 2015

    I don’t have children, nor do I have Stickeez. I have somehow evaded shopping at P ‘n P over the last week and a bit but you certainly have made my morning by reading this! Love your blog🙂

    Reply
  66. Lizadolots

     /  August 15, 2015

    You’re not looking at this with rose tinted specs on C! My kids have just started a very loooong school holiday and instead of having to buy cheap Chinese crap toys to bribe them into occasional good behavior, PnP are giving me StikeeeeeZzz! For FREE! I’m going to be doing my shopping there anyway, so it makes no difference to me. And my 3 kids are now begging me for opportunities to HELP me, unpacking the car, the dishwasher, feeding the menagerie, even sweeping the floor. This is bliss…..

    Reply
  67. ladyraven

     /  August 15, 2015

    My mom just discovered a perfect hack! Pay your bills at PNP. Water, electricity, telkom, etc etc etc. My mom is a greater genius than Larry I reckon

    Reply
  68. Quite an amusing read – if one enjoys profanities in order to get attention — your skill with a keyboard is diminished (or at least – my respect for it is) –

    As for these Stikeez things – well – give them a google – and see what is still coming your way with them – and broaden your knowledge a bit – my son is going wild – has most of them, and it hasn’t cost me a fortune!! One only has to look at the various specials in those pamphlets you pick up as you go into the shop to see where you score bonus stikeez and you can actually leave with loads more than just 1 for around R150! Ah!! I know there is a difference – men shop with logic – women do it with emotion – much like your blogging – with all these followers one would expect you to show a bit of responsibility and to do a bit of fact finding first….

    That being said – we all have dinner parties and things – braai’s etc – ask your kid if you can borrow them – let your friends choose one when they get their first drink – and then tell them to stick it on their glass – that way – they can easily identify their glass – also makes it easier for the host to know what drink to top up in what glass (Ooops! There’s my male logic again – sorry!) I love them – can’t wait for PnP to come out with the next series – !!!

    Reply
    • Stacey

       /  August 15, 2015

      After a 6-day wait, the copywriter behind BIC’s Women’s Day message has finally revealed himself! That being said- might I suggest you stick your Stickeez up your arse; your sense of humour is getting lonely up there!

      Reply
  69. Madgran

     /  August 15, 2015

    I have a fIffy year old daughter who just stole three of these things from me, and they were intended for my tiny grandchildren. A small piece of plastic rubbish has generated a new moral low. She proudly took off with a sheep, a duck and a one-eyed monster. The little ones have none if these!!!

    Reply
  70. Stickeez are the best thing that happened to us in our home, `i work hard to earn the money that I spend a Pick n’Pay so in my house you “Earn” the Stickeez. They are kept in a jar and if at the end of the day you have not fought with me, done your work, eaten your dinner and tidied up you earn them. In the morning I take three out of the earned Jar and they get stuck on the clock. if you are dressed by the time the big hand gets to the 4 you get one back, eaten and plate washed by the time the hand gets to the 8 you get it back and then if you get to the 10 you get them all back. My house is sparkling beds are made without me asking. There is immoblized terror if i approach the jar and i am cross….so Larry I say THANK YOU. I have made the best of your Stickeez.

    Reply
    • nokwethu@gmail.com

       /  August 15, 2015

      You’re a genius Shelene! I am instituting this in our home immediately🙂

      Reply
  71. Rosebud

     /  August 14, 2015

    I must admit, I didn’t know that the little toys were ‘a thing’! Turns out they even have a name! I got 3 during the week when I went to Pick ‘n Pay. One is lying in the driveway as we speak. So evidently, my 3 kids have also not cottoned on to the Stickeez madness. Thanks for the warning; we’re going to Checkers from now on! LOL!

    Reply
  72. Thank you Pick ‘n Pay, I would never have found this blog without you.
    I love your honesty even if some can’t grasp satire or a sense of humour! I love your responses to them even more!
    Totally following your blog – I NEED the release from Mother trying to be Stepford wives/moms

    Reply
  73. Meg Chronis

     /  August 14, 2015

    Thanks Louise Marsland and PnP for putting me onto your blog. So funny, and can totally relate! I now wander the aisles totting up everything on my phone’s calculator lest I get to the till to discover — horror of horrors — that I’m a few rand short of another Stikeez. I have three boxes of Joko tea in my pantry cupboard because each came with its own Stikeez (talk about pantry loading!). Guess it’s a necessary childhood rite of passage though … I remember collecting Muppets stickers at the PnP when I was a kid.

    Reply
  74. Kerry

     /  August 14, 2015

    You are a legend, thank you so much
    Turned a bad day round, when I read this and nearly wet myself
    Thank you

    Reply
  75. I don’t have children, so was oblivious to the whole Stickeez craze until I got one in my shopping bag (for spending money on cigarettes no less, there must be some irony in that). So I opened it and it was a green tortoise, which I thought was cute so I stuck it on my rearview mirror to remind me of my previous car whose name was Tortoise, side issue. It didn’t last long, we drove to Wakkerstroom that evening and it was dislodged when we drove over a giant pothole that is the road to Standerton (thanks Mpumlanaga roads department you useless fucks), and the Stickeez (or Stickee, what is the singular here?) was lost until I had my car up on the hydraulic lift at SupaQuik and was eye level with the brake pedal, and saw the poor green tortoise wedged in a carpet-hole in the foot well. Distracted by the R3250 ransom I had to pay to get my car released (fuck you again Mpumalanga roads department), I forgot about rescuing the tortoise. It’s probably still there….

    On a side note, Larry is a genius. He probably gets a bonus on the last month’s sales before his retirement, and this was his plan. Undeniably diabolical.

    Reply
  76. Kate

     /  August 14, 2015

    You are creative writing genius! I laughed so hard I cried, and so did my husband!! So true, the cake episode too. My daughter got into trouble at school Wednesday, and when I gave her what for about it she gave me lip, so I told her that attitude just rewarded me with 7 new stickees!! Yep, your stikeez are now MINE. She freaked (about ±56c worth of toys), and I told her I may even play with them later! She tells me her friend asked her how many she has and she replied “7” so her friend said “oh well I have NINE!!!” (Yes its true kids can be spiteful). So next day we had to do a big shop, got issued 7 new stickeez, they messed up my sale and had to re ring everything up (I know bless them right) now with correct prices, and I get issued another round of 6 stikeez. So I come home with them and correct her, that if her friends ask how many she’s got the correct answer is NONE, but my MOM has TWENTY. I then proceeded to open each one lovingly and excitedly to expose the ones she was wanting (of course) and took way too much pleasure in meticulously stacking them to show her what she doesn’t have. Well, its annoying, its cheap toys for high spends, but it works for me as a parenting tool. She has been a saint ever since trying to win me over for MY 20 stikeez. Thanks for your article, it made my day!

    Reply
    • Siesssss…. how cruel….. laughing away… what a plan… should get you a day or two of good behaviour…. make sure to touch them lovingly in the morning and remind her.

      Reply
  77. Thank you. I need to laugh out loud today.

    Reply
  78. Craig

     /  August 14, 2015

    My Dad Dad and i chatted about whether or not this was a good idea when we first ‘qualified’ amd received a stickee. I thought it was a silly campaign, my dad otherwise. (He knows the power of kids influence, whereas I don’t have any). We saw my niece/his grand-daughter and she ‘wasn’t interested in them, but the kids at school play with them’. This was until we gave her ours. Now, she’s hooked.

    On the bright side, at least they aren’t drugs.

    Reply
  79. Still laughing! Great column. Thanks to Louise Marsland for bringing it to my attention. You write so eloquently!

    Reply
    • Do not be fooled – some days I can barely string a sentence together.
      But thank you for stopping by for a read and hopefully a good laugh.

      Reply
  80. Karen Smith

     /  August 14, 2015

    love the way you write! made my Friday – I had to stop at BP….with a PnP on route to drop kids off at sport.

    Reply
  81. nici de wet

     /  August 14, 2015

    So fuckin funny! brilliant!

    Reply
  82. Anso

     /  August 14, 2015

    Same here….Pick ‘n Pay made me read your blog….you are very funny! Well played!

    Reply
  83. We only have 1 so far and my 6yr old is nagging me every day to go to PnP. So now if he doesn’t listen to me I tell him I’m going to go shopping at Checkers instead!

    Reply
  84. Waaaahahahahahahaaaaa! !

    Poor Larry. No one warned him that brainfarts can be dangerous 😂😂😂

    Reply
  85. These things are ridiculous, I mean what’s the flippen point? So if you collect all 24 of these little poppy things, then what? Do you win something? O yes, you can win a selfie stick for sending in a selfie of yourself and a stikeez, wtf, how you gonna do that with such a small little thing? Who are they actually targeting here, because kids between the ages of 3 and 8 don’t have facebook, twitter and instagram accounts, and a lot of them don’t even have smart phones that can take selfies, so I’ll be very interested to see who posts selfies with their beloved stikeez character…They spent so much money on this stupid campaign its frightening, If you ask me a complete waste of money! Whoever is in charge of Marketing at PnP should get their heads read, or just fired – and yes that whole Brand Choice thing at the end of your till slip, really?

    Reply
  86. Christina

     /  August 14, 2015

    Fantastic. I got a green one-eyed monster the other day. It must have been Larry. Thank you @Louise Marsland for alerting me to this delicious wit. I now intend to follow, even though my children are well over the age for Stikeez.

    Reply
  87. What a good read. I don’t have kids, mine are all grown up now. But I would feel the same as you if they were still Stikeez age. Well done!

    Reply
  88. Great read. I don’t mind the Stickeez- but then I don’t have kids frisking me for them. Instead, they’re tossed into a bowl to be shared between our domestic worker and a friend who does have kids.

    Reply
  89. Taryn

     /  August 14, 2015

    Firstly your language is SHOCKING! I cannot believe what a dirty mouth you have and that you actually put this onto your blog! Secondly, PNP have come up with something fun for the kids to receive when shopping with mom. Something that is FOR FREE from PNP and you are complaining! I cannot believe this! It is your job as a mother to tell your children that they cannot always get a “stickeez” every time you go shopping. The fact that you buy “R150 of crap” to get the “stickeez” is your own fault and you cannot blame PNP for this. Whether you are joking or not, who calls their daughter an “ungrateful little bitch”? Maybe its ok to think it, but to put it on your blog for others to see is just disgusting!

    Reply
    • I appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment Taryn. Please do understand that we differ greatly in our use of language and probably our outlook on the world in general. I do not feel overly compelled to change yours, and you hopefully will appreciate that I have very little in the way of interest in conforming to your narrow map of the world.

      I do wish you well – and hope you find a blog you enjoy.

      Reply
      • Bronwyn

         /  August 15, 2015

        Lighten the fuck up Taryn, or better still – say FUCK a few times, you might enjoy it.

        Reply
    • Kate

       /  August 14, 2015

      So when you started reading and you saw a lewd word, no one forced you to keep reading. You can also choose to read and just say ‘bleep’ in your head for the ‘vulgar’ bits. I love it when people are frank and truthful because it means when I think these things, I am not the only one. If you read all the responses (whilst sifting out the potty mouthed words) you will see how so many agree with the ‘craziness’ that these darn 8c toys have created, try to lighten up and see the funny side of it. Its so annoying its hysterical, and I even find myself asking tellers if they have any that customers didn’t want (and they often do) – considering they won’t sell us the little buggers (oooh was that a bad word?). A blog is a place to have your say and air an opinion and there are no limitations to what language you choose to use. Your choice to read it or not, your choice to agree or not, totally unnecessary to moan about it. I also wish you well, and hope that you find another blog that makes you laugh so loud you cry like this did for the rest of us xx

      Reply
    • Jimina

       /  August 15, 2015

      There is always one…

      Reply
    • Andy McK

       /  August 15, 2015

      Sod off you anal twat! I thought it was funny.
      And I have a one-eyed green monster, slightly licked, that I am willing to trade for one cigarette in reasonable condition?

      Reply
    • Poor Taryn having to live in a life without humour. Perhaps if you stopped being so stuck up you might have some fun. Living with you must be a barrel of laughs.

      Reply
  90. ladyraven

     /  August 14, 2015

    I won’t lie. I like them. I only have one under 4 and he has a mom and granny who like to shop. He also hasn’t discovered how these magical toys come into being and so I have a bag full for those moments that I need them or want to bri.. I mean reward him.

    Thanks for the giggle though.

    Reply
  91. Sarah

     /  August 14, 2015

    I am so with you on this. My solution is to refuse them at the till (this really throws the cashier) and so they have not become an issue in our house.

    My oldest daughter tells me that they have been banned at the school but this may only add to their popularity.

    Reply
    • Unfortunately it has reached the stage of using them as bargaining chips — the kids know I shop at Pick ‘n Pay most days, so leaving the store without them may well be the petrol on the fire approach.

      I know in a few weeks this craze will pass … and we can all go back to fighting about whose wine it is in the fridge.

      Reply
      • The wine is mine. Hands off.

        Reply
        • Andy McK

           /  August 15, 2015

          Can’t be as bad as when I was a kid, and all the Kellogs boxes had to be ripped open and decanted ASAP to find the Toolie Birds or whatever buried in the box?
          Or am I showing my age?

          Reply
          • My kids still rip cereal boxes open looking for treasure. Sometimes the “treasure” is marshmallows. It’s all a very sad time.

            Reply
  92. Tracy

     /  August 14, 2015

    Well said, but you forgot to mention that Larry made the little bastard toys just big/small enough to be a choking hazard!

    Reply
    • We have a 2 year old in our house —- and I live in fear of her getting her hands on these things, and choking on them.

      Reply
  93. This must be one of the funniest posts I have EVER read!!! Laughing out loud at my desk. I CANNOT believe that something so cheap can be such a great toy for kids? And I’m so glad it’s receiving the publicity it is receiving! You even get TRIPPLE or DOUBLE (can’t remember) smart shopper points when you buy the Stickeez bag or book. WTF?????? And they have billboards and sign boards dedicated to them – seriously? This promotion is only on for another month, what will we do then? Where will we shop? Bring back magic babies I say – at least they served a purpose – blue or pink🙂

    Reply
  94. Delboy

     /  August 14, 2015

    Class. Fuckin buckets of it.

    Reply
  95. You have made Larry very sad.
    More sad than he was when he wasn’t allowed to get Stikeez for his won children because he works for Pick n pay.
    Poor poor Larry.

    Reply
  96. Karen

     /  August 14, 2015

    Absolutely brilliant, you certainly made my day!! Have a fabulous weekend

    Reply
  97. fatima collins

     /  August 14, 2015

    I seldom read blogs but thanks to Twitter and the offence taken by PnP I got to read this! you are hilarious!!! thank you

    Reply
    • It’s a pleasure, and who would have throught it would be Pick ‘n Pay that brought us together. They truly are magic over there. Further kudos to Larry and his team.

      Reply
  98. Love your blog – Using “Pester Power” or the “The Nag Factor” to collect plastic things you don’t need or want in 6 months, its a shame, totally unsustainable & waste of packaging – terrible idea for out planet! Designed to bring out the worst in competitive kids and parents who don’t discipline! Already heard parent say they quickly bought another chocolate at the till just so they could get one more because they were R8 short of the next R150 – and the kid insisted, and nogal got their way, sies! Fads and trends, teaching kids that buying what you don’t need is OK!

    Reply
  99. It’s common knowledge: Stikeez are in fact unwanted and recycled Loomies. They’ll come back as YoYos in 2027, Tazos in 2039 and Collectable Pokemon cards in 2056. And then they’ll be Loomies once more. Of course, your children will be ancient by then. Living on a landfill made entirely of broken Minion toys.

    Reply
  100. Thank you Pnp for sending me here and brightening up my day.

    We don’t shop at Pnp (President Hyper for us), but after LOTS of nagging I went there to see how much one of those Stikeez cost (surprise surprise). Actually did some shopping to get 4 (2 for each kid), and thought they would be happy. Those to were like crack to them. Now they just want more and more. Yesterday stopped to buy bread, ended up buying lots of crap I didn’t need, miscalculated, and got 1 Stikee. Ended up having WW III in the house.

    Reply
  101. I have like 11 you can gladly take off my hands. All still wrapped.

    Also, I am 76% sure I’m the guy who found your chocolate cake in the N1. Much of it was still edible.

    Reply
  102. We’ve done stickeez for a week now. Let me clarify though – our kids are older, and away at boarding school, but were home for leave-out. But, the missus is a nursery teacher, and it seemed really cute to line up a dozen stickeez on the dashboard of the car.

    Except, in the sun, they don’t stickee for long. And last night when I used the car, it was like there had been a stickeez version of American Sniper at work. Carnage everywhere. I suspect that the corpses will be swept into the packet looped over the gear lever, and the next cashier who issues stickeez, with find them rectally inserted.

    Reply
  103. and, if you spend R150 or more, and then have vouchers to reduce your cash payment to PnP, you don’t actually get the little plastic doesn’t stick to anything thing! (headed here from twitter)

    Reply
  104. Awesome read🙂

    Reply
  105. Absolutely LOVED reading this, i was in fits of stitches. I have one child and its a nightmare. Cannot imagine 4. Bastards giving us 1 x 8c toy for R150. They need to bring it down to 1 for every R50. Fuck you Larry you Wanker, clearly you don’t have 4 children.

    Reply
  106. Great write up.. I have watched from the side line how the mothers deal with these little stickeez… especially with two kids in the trolley and getting issued with three. What is amazing to watch is the power some tellers have who decide how to hand them out and to take away the mothers bribery power.. and the mother stands there powerless…I think we should make a Larry stickeez… it will be a big one.. oh no we will have to sensor the RICHARD HEAD one . yip Larry is Dick head.. but well done Larry to create mass mayhem. .

    Reply
  107. Love your writing

    Reply
  108. Paul

     /  August 14, 2015

    And the Pick ‘n Pay have a sense of humour failure. https://twitter.com/marklives/status/632120241758294016/photo/1

    Reply
  109. That asshole Larry is actually quite a marketing genius. I hate him. And his stupid stikeez. The worst part is that after having the idea for stikeez the ass even thought of making bags and display cases for the damn things!

    Thanks for the laugh though during this very difficult time of dealing with nagging little children and their stikeez.

    Reply
  110. This is brilliant! (And I’m pretty sure it will go viral now after PnP drew everyone’s attention to it – YAY). I refuse to shop at PnP because it is ridiculously expensive. Seriously, you don’t realize it until you start shopping at Checkers (where you can earn Ebucks BTW). This Stickeez campaign has been smelling like desperation for the last month. You’d think they would rather bring their prices down than waste endless amounts of money on this stupid sh*t. Shame.

    Reply
  111. So you’re not one of those patient parents, then…..? haha. Down with plastic crap!

    Reply
  112. In tears with laughter – this is my first time reading your blog but I need to make a note to visit more often.

    Reply
  113. …………………….And now Larry is sitting on some luxurious yacht off one or other tropical island drinking Pina Coladas laughing out loud and wondering what next!!!!! The 23 August deadline for the Stikeez craze is fast approaching & believe me it WILL be followed by Larry’s NEXT BIG THING to distribute from those tall cardboard towers next to each and every “Peacan Pie” till point. Watch THAT space!!!!

    Reply
  114. Leigh Engelsman(Squires)

     /  August 13, 2015

    Hi Celeste, I absolutely love reading your blog and am a huge fan. Was laughing hysterically until I read about Jordan, how very sad. sending love and wishing you strength through it all, take care.

    Reply
  115. H.

     /  August 12, 2015

    Thank fuck I don’t shop at P ‘n P.

    Reply
  116. Claire

     /  August 12, 2015

    In TEARS with laughter at my desk. Fuck Stikeez.

    Reply
  117. My kids have been begging me to get some because you know everyone has them and they don’t, but today I want to Pick n Pay to do some shopping for the office and received 2 of them, I was going to take them home to my girls, but no after learning about Larry the fuck nut they have found a new home on my monitor.

    Reply
  118. acidicice

     /  August 12, 2015

    You totally had me laughing out loud, C! I have escaped the things so far and will continue to do so. Fuck Larry.

    Reply
  119. I feel totally un-proper for laughing loudly… Especially with the suicide mention towards the end. Sorry.

    I have a PURPLE stikee! Wha ha ha!!🙂

    Pick n Pay is having a ball. My most sensible, together 22 year old son is collecting them! For real! Thankfully he lives on his own and buys his own.

    Reply
    • Stikeez are Satan’s spawn ….

      Reply
      • Andy McK

         /  August 15, 2015

        I am a 50 yr old male. I go up to P&P and buy a carton of cigs, and they gave me one! Not sure where to stick it, but I was thinking….if Larry is willing to bend over and hold his cheeks apart…..

        Reply
    • Wenchy, R has them all over his room and I’m not asking any questions.

      Reply
  120. Celeste, you do make me laugh… I loved the visual image I got of the cake being lobbed out the car….
    As for K’s girlfriend, I’m really so sorry.

    Reply
  121. Karen

     /  August 12, 2015

    Went to PnP yesterday and for the first time got eight of these thingies! We have two pink monsters and three black dogs. If these are the same doggies that your pink one was having a tantrum about, I will gladly give it to you. And as my BFF you are aware of my bad mothering skills at the moment, so I can even throw in my pink one as a freebie. Unless if we just go wine shopping at PnP – just think of all the thingies we can get!

    Reply
    • Yes, please hold onto the one black dog, that would be great. I plan to use them as bribery points now.

      Reply
      • Bribery points is fabulous. My mom was given 15 at once by a kind gent who had no one to pass them onto.. So far i have had days of bliss, homework gets done, chores are done and the reward is 1 x Stickeez. At the shop, behaviour is bliss because he knows whats coming only to have to shock of being told “you have had your one today, this goes into the kitty for another day” Love it… Such cruel bitchass Mom!! Bwaahaa

        Reply
  122. Thanks Heavens my 8 year old decided that they are too small and therefore not worthy…

    Reply
  123. micary36

     /  August 12, 2015

    I am so on your page …..

    Reply
  124. Stickeez!!! For the love of … Seriously I got two on Sunday and I was wondering what it was. Thankfully my kid is under two so has no clue plus there’s no way I would let her play with it, I’m sure she’s below the required age limit.

    Reply
  125. You telling me! I loathe those things! So fuck you Larry and pay back my money!

    PS. There is an actual grownup (if she can be called that) who opened a FB page for stickeez swap! FML!

    Reply
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